In the heat of the night…

That sounds so sexual though… Hardly what this post is about. But in truth in the heat of the night.. Is where we get the brightest flashes of inspiration,  the dreams that wake us up and tell us what to do.  The answers that elude us… Me during waking hours. 
Heat, when your brain is at rest, but your mind is working.. What an oxymoron…
I am at my most relaxed, intuitive, inspired and clear.. At these times.. My circadian rhythms messed up by a metropolitan lifestyle.  I swear if we worked to the rhythm of our souls, so much more would get done. 
Burning the midnight oil… Ke something I take immense pleasur in doing.. Sleeping the morning hours away and waking up at 10,bliss… Alas, my cycle does not allow for this kind of productivity. However.. One must note.. Maybe I’m supposed to be living in another part of the world where this is 7:30 am and I am bright and bushy tailed.  Oh well,  another supposition is this – we come into this world to overcome challenges.  The morning is mine.  Nocturnal.

G

When you hear your heart breaking…

It’s not even a feeling the damn thing.  It’s a loud crack and the sound of air rushing in like an uncomfortable dental procedure.  It makes you cringe, tear up and want to retch all at the same time…  It takes a few minutes, and some really really strong tear ducts for it not to reveal itself, because it usually chooses to expose itself in public.  And for those few uncomfortable minutes,  you sit almost screaming at the world and feeling the most alone you’ve ever been in the deepest of silence.
Then the moment passes, with residual fleeting thoughts… Everything, including heartbreak is only a moment in time…  Hanging on to the thing for it not to break is like hanging precariously on a ledge and not letting go, only to find there’s an overhang and a safe path home. 
So in those 7.5 minutes barely able to breathe, you wallow in various stages of grief, anger, self pity, acceptance, denial of acceptance and finally resolution…my heart is broken.   The pieces fall…  And as you put them back together…  While drinking a mega coffee,it doesn’t make any sense. Yet, it functions almost perfectly after its done.  I think the purpose for it breaking, is for us to keep getting stronger glue.  Even Alicia Keys said falling down ain’t falling down if you don’t cry when you hit the floor….  I suppose then,  fortification starts like this. I’m still breathing… It’s stillbeating.. Broken but not bleeding. Time for some super glue.